This morning's marriage proposal

"Sarah, I want to marry you. I'll give you £5,000..."

How would you respond?

I suspect it was a joke, but it wasn't very funny.

I said: "Oh, go away!"

This coupled with yesterday's literal begging from another man.

"Please, I'm so horny."

Delightful.

And for all those people who clothes shame I was not that revealingly dressed.

Here's a message to all men: Do not do this!

It is never appreciated and just weirds women out.

If they are considering you at all, this will put them right off.

Get to know them properly, ask them out for a drink first.

Behave like a sane person!

Rant over.

This sadly is not fiction.

The talented Hollie McNish

I’m sure you’re all bored in lockdown, unless you’re very lucky.

So why not indulge in a bit of art?

Hollie McNish has been live streaming her amazing poetry online.

You can find her recorded work here.

And her live streams are available from 9-10 every Thursday at https://m.facebook.com/holliepoetry.

Nothing like a kick arse female poet to enliven your day.

Enjoy!

The women’s World Cup

We are in the middle of the women’s World Cup and I am watching none of it.

I am a very bad feminist.

I watch all the male internationals, though I don’t watch club football.

But the women are showcased on the terrestrial channels and I don’t watch.

So I missed the USA trouncing Thailand last night.

The men’s matches sometimes muster only one goal, while the US women get 13 in the net and I am not there to witness it.

Maybe I should reassess my priorities.

Feminism exists

A woman I spoke to recently was talking about supervising young girls.

She was pointing to the fact that they can be horrible to each other and in the same breath dispelled the notion that feminism even existed.

Given the kind of woman that she is I suspect that it wasn't meant as too serious a comment.

However, it got me thinking.

We need to stand together

I would be a fool if I didn't recognise that women often attack and undermine each other.

However, this does not mean feminism doesn't or shouldn't exist.

After all feminism does not require all women to think the same, it requires enough education and economic power to make them meaningful contributors to the debate.

Bitching is a trap

If I stoop to the level of judging a woman purely by her looks or similar superficial aspects I invalidate my own position.

This does not mean that you can't appreciate the effort someone has made with their appearance, but don't focus overly on this if she is making a speech on politics, singing or dancing.

Ultimately if you focus on what women can be you put them on a more equal footing with men in public discourse immediately, by the same token this allows you to focus on the fact that one woman might be being overly mean or controlling.

Media landscapes according to Quilla Constance

Quilla Constance is a punk persona looking to provide a critique of the development of the pop ascetic. Recently she took club soho to court. She says “I thought it would be something quite funny to do a gig there as a spoof militant punk persona.” But in the end they double booked her gig with a corporate gig. She went straight to equity and they sued and won. She said: “I did a protest outside, which was actually I would have said a lot more punk than anything that would have happened inside the club anyway.”

Quilla is insistent about providing an alternative to the mainstream, which she sees as toxic. She is interested in the fact that women now seem to find it empowering to take off as many clothes as possible. She is scathing that Lilly Allen is saying oh yeah I’m a feminist ambassador and then the next day she’ll be like, you know posing in FHM. “I’m just wondering where that alternative voice is.”

Her message she says looks at an over identification with a familiar ascetic and where does a black woman reside in this very air brushed European look. The interruption of that very glamorous language.

“She’s the arbiter of taste. She’s the QC. Let’s call her the mainstreams ultimate quality control.”

Feminism vs conformity

When I was doing lots of research for this PR blitz video (her last performance) I was just ripping out headlines from these gossip magazines and a lot of the headlines were about a woman’s weight … or whether they were happy with their bodies and stuff. And it’s just kind of like God you know is there really nothing else to talk about?

She speaks at length about the way the media is driven by PR. She clearly sees the whole thing as fundamentally flawed. She is irritated by the fact that women are drawn to careers like Jordan’s rather than other professions. She goes on to say: “I think possibly I’m repulsed by it more because I’ve never fitted into that ascetic anyway.”

“People think, oh if you’re a feminist you must be a really butch angry woman it had a very bad press behind it and the problem is, it’s not defined, it can’t be defined really, I don’t agree that it is as cheap as it’s being sold to be. There’s more to it.”

Where next?

Asked whether she would like to see the media landscape as it currently exists to self destruct she says: “I don’t think that it’s ever going to be, the joke about the PR blitz with the news of the world landing on a puppet of Rebekah Brooks at the end is the fact that it’s never over and it never will be, it’s only going to get worse I think actually”

With QC she is trying to claim back some of the power that she feels has been lost. She is not trying to create pop, but rather provide an alternative landscape to the dialogue that she feels resides there.

The Private View of her exhibition is tonight from 6pm.

Solo exhibition, opening at 198 Contemporary Arts and Learning (funded by Arts Council England). The exhibition runs from March 26th - May 8th, with a symposium at UAL Chelsea College of Arts and video screenings / performances at The Freud Museum and St John's College, Oxford to follow.

Black sexualisation WoW style

Ok, this is a bit of a rant.

The south bank centre runs the Women of the World WoW festival once a year now and I may be suffering from the fact that nothing is going to compare to the first feeling I got of attending the event, but I was a little disappointed by some of the line up this year.

I went to the sexualisation of black women event hoping for some insightful debate on how black women fare in the realm of sexual imagery.

Indeed, some interesting points were raised about the number of black women who were abused by their partners proportionally and the phenomena of denigrating darker black women's skin tones, which is truly heart breaking.

However, then I felt the debate started to turn a little south.

Troubling ideas

The issue of white women being prized over black women, seems bizarre.

I have to say that is very damning and de-humanising of black men, not saying that they never do this, but the dialogue seemed to tar all black men in this way?

I felt similarly disturbed by claims that black women were punished for not being white.

Physical abuse may have more to do with other social and economic strains affecting black people, rather than because of any desire among black men to punish black women.

Again, not saying it doesn't happen, but I truly believe it's not all about race.

Let's just blame it on race

Then claiming that idealisation of lighter skin tones comes from the white community, it is a very select and privileged set of white people in charge of things like fashion magazines and they serve to dissempower both white and black women by trying to insist on a standard.

The debate started to simply sound prejudiced.

All white women, just like all black women are not the same.

This dialogue helps no one by being purely confrontational.

Taking the piss for a better future

The Hebdo attacks had my mind whirring, partly because I'd never even heard of the cartoons (admitting to ignorance), and partly because I'd become bogged down in British politics and being reminded of the spectre of terrorism again left me reeling.

So my reaction was first tears, then to join a throng of Je Suis Charlie, only to turn tail when someone described the publication as racist.

While I do not wish to live in a racist world I also do not want to live in a world where religion reigns supreme.

Yet the question rising in my mind is why do I not know about this publication and what does that indicate? Is it their failing or mine?

Freedom of speech

At school I often felt different and left out, so I dislike bullying behaviour and people without compassion.

However, having been that odd ball I value my voice and by that I mean my ability to criticise and argue with anything.

By that I do not mean a right to hurt people and if the Muslim world wishes to take the piss back, let it do so, but that is not the same thing as killing someone.

Let's not play holier than thou

In our supposedly feminist championing West a girl who challenges things often finds themselves unpopular and criticised in a way that most men wouldn't accept.

That can mean as much the devoutly religious girl, as well as the devoutly atheist one.

Then again, getting less male attention generally means you get more done.

So thanks for taking the piss guys, I probably wouldn't have got three A grades at A level without it.

Ridicule is a great weapon

My mistake was to stop taking the piss of things I didn't agree with.

But I and everyone else would do well to remember that you can take a joke too far.

My beliefs are as important as anyone else's and yes Atheists do believe in things.

Ignorance is still the biggest bully going.

Thoughts from Adichie

Pretty much it...

Unspeakable Things - Laurie Penny Book Review

Laurie Penny has sent me a shiny new copy of her book to review.

It took me a week to read and I have taken a week to think about it to try to give it the review it deserves.

A brave beginning

This book begins with all the charged anger that I would expect from Penny.

She throws a gauntlet down to tamer forms of feminism and gets stuck in, even to the point of shocking me once and believe me that isn't that easy.

In all, this is a brutally honest book that comes out fighting: covering eating disorders, the feminist tradition, sex, the internet and female stereotypes.

Easily digestible, but with difficult ideas, bravo.

She refuses to offer a template for living, which is wise given that it is the message offered up so often to women.

And she is brave enough to encompass men into her thinking, wise to fight the men hating image.

Sexy lady

However, she observes that the only value a woman is allowed to have is her sexuality.

While I agree there is some weight to this argument I feel the way she has tackled it refuses to confront the problem sufficiently.

Women do manage to transcend to greater power Ms Penny, which is probably why the press try to drag them back down to talking about their clothes and eye bags.

She views unequal objectification and not objectification itself to be the problem.

Is not objectification destructive, and in danger of de-humanising everyone: after all you wouldn't be very happy if I was writing this review only of the cover of your book.

That is what objectification does, you of all people should know this.

Does looking at men like an object empower us or them?

Is this the area in which you really want more equality?

Parting shot

You say you want to re-write the old stories about work and power and sex and love, great.

How?

Do not misunderstand me, this is one of the best and bravest books that I have read in a while and equally one that merits re-reading.

You unpack some uncomfortable truths about what it still means to be a woman in today's society and for that I can only applaud you.

I just sometimes feel I may have to fight against you in the same moment as I stand with you and believe me, I'd rather stand with you.

Do you want to burn the past or evolve it?

A male feminist

Gotta like those male feminists...